Granddaddy left us Wednesday afternoon to be with our Lord. It's has been a hard few days so far, but I am grateful he died before he got too miserable. The cancer had really been taking its toll quickly, and he was starting to have greater pain lately. Watching Grandmother lose the man she's spent the last 61 years with is most definitely one of the harder things I've done. I miss him terribly and really wanted him to be able to meet Ava, but I know those thoughts and feelings don't hold a candle to wondering how to force yourself out of bed to face days that will never again involve your lifelong companion. I know God's grace is sufficient, and I pray it is abundant for Grandmother in the coming days and years.
The Lord did bless us with a wonderful visit with him Monday. Mom and I headed over to Lancaster with the kids Monday afternoon. He was actually more like his old self than I've seen him in a long time. The kids went in to see him before I got in the living room, and I heard him speak to them by name (he actually never called them by the wrong name, which is more than I can say!), and they were just talking and playing. I was so happy to see him sitting up and so alert. We talked a lot, and his speech was clear. He wasn't dozing off like usual. We sat down in the kitchen to eat dinner before leaving, and he ate like he used to. We ate tomato sandwiches, definitely one of my favorites I've always enjoyed with him. The last things I saw him eat were a tomato sandwich and a Nutty Bar-I told Ben he would know I died happy if that were me. : )
We sang Emma's favorite Bible school song for him and talked about Ava and the house. He talked about leaving the service and the process of getting his job at Springs. He was bragging on the kids and told me I was a great mom. He shared cheese puffs with the kids, took Emma for a ride on his lap in his wheelchair. I truly could not have asked for a better last day with my Granddaddy. I'm just sad it was my last.
Despite the decline, pain and heartache the last 6 months, I still have some wonderful memories from those times. I have been so grateful to be at home so that I was available to help some and go to the hospital some. What a blessing for the kids to have time with him that we probably wouldn't have in "normal" circumstances. Terminal is definitely difficult, but it is good to know it's coming so you can soak up all the time you can knowing each time may be the last. Hopefully, we are living daily life that way since it is always coming; it's just hard to not get caught up in the busyness and forget how imminent our last days really are.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Forever Behind
Yes, I am forever behind...seems like that's true for everything these days! Guess I'll start with where we are for now and then see if I can recall some memories from the last 3 months. We closed on our house and moved into my parent's house June 4. It was a VERY hard move for me, which I expected...we brought our first two babies home there, and we put a lot of "sweat" into building it. Ended up being a lot harder for Ben to leave than he expected because of that. The first few weeks were pretty hard, but we are settled in and excited about the progress on our new home. We ended up at Mom and Dad's because of time and money. It has been a huge blessing to be right here at our lot because the reality of how much Ben's there instead of home is like expected. It's been nice to be able to run the kids down to see him and watch or "help" him some. It's also been wonderful to be able to work with Mom!! We've talked about how hard it's going to be to separate and get used to running households by ourselves again. : ) It just kind of works out as we maintain things and definitely takes less time. Of course, I feel like she is probably doing way more than her share! She promises me she enjoys it, and I am really grateful as I am VERY tired.
The kids are doing well and continue to bring us laughter, smiles and joy...and a few tears and frustration! : ) Emma is very excited about our new house and has many opinions to offer on all our decisions. I love showing her paint colors, light fixtures, etc. and asking what she thinks. She has really grown up a lot this Summer. She has worked hard to be a brave big girl as I've taken her to Summer Jam (kids' program at church)--the first thing she's been "left" to do by herself. She LOVED Bible School and constantly sings "Waves of Mercy, Waves of grace..." so much so that Bryson actually know it enough to "sing along" and do motions. I need to try to capture it on video. It is precious! She's also mostly conquered her fear of the swing--the first week we moved here, she kept begging to go swing and would force herself to have us push her higher (she used to be scared to death!). The other day when we were cooking in the kitchen together, she started telling me how she was going to get bigger so she could live by herself--how sad!! Of course, she rarely goes to sleep in her own bed these days and has developed quite the imagination and fearfulness, so I doubt that's a true longing. : ) She continues to love dress ups and is the most beautiful princess we've seen! Bryson is full speed ahead and rough and crazy! He's developing a desire to be silly and laughed at too, and he is quite funny, I must say! I am enjoying seeing him develop his own personality; he is definitely becoming a little person these days. His vocabulary continues to expand as well as his independence. He still doesn't sleep for any long stretch of time at night, but he has actually gone to bed with Emma several times, and last night, he awoke and walked to our bed without any tears or fears-a MAJOR miracle and first!! That is the first time since he was born that he has woken at night and not screamed and cried. Maybe we'll get there before Ava arrives!! He is still Momma's boy and hates to be taken to the nursery at church. I'm hoping he'll be happier when we move him to the toddler room in a month. He continues to love balls, being outside and playing with Emma. He wants so badly to do everything she does, and they have a great time playing together. She truly is a wonderful big sister and takes such good care of Bryson and tries to teach him how to do everything. I love seeing them love each other and play together, and I hope they will always love being together!
The house is coming along. Ben and his dad put in a lot of time and sweat getting the foundation ready. Ben never ceases to amaze me with his vision, ideas and capabilities! I don't ever want to build or move again, but hopefully we'll be able to do some projects around the property so he can keep showing off his skills! ; ) The first floor is framed, and they are working on the porches today. Unfortunately, we have some beams that aren't in and will hold up the framing a few days. Ben's telling me this roof system is going to be slow and involved. We are making progress with decisions. I am trying to stay ahead so we can do some price comparisons and so I can have as much done as possible before Ava comes.
I think I am 32 weeks now. I just can't keep up this time! All I know is that it is coming so fast! Everything is on track and appears normal. I'm down to 2 week check ups now. Trying hard not to let the weight go--it's so hard to eat well when you're tired and busy, but I know I don't want more to lose than necessary! I am worn out these days; the 3rd trimester hasn't brought so much fatigue in the past, but it's kicking me this time! Between Bryson, discomfort and frequent potty visits, I'm not getting a whole lot of sleep at night either though. I could not ask for more out of life though. I am way more blessed than I should be, and I am grateful for all the joys and "trials".
Now, back to the prior 3 months...in May, the 4 of us packed up and headed to Surfside for a week-end. Weren't planning to because of how busy things were with trying to move, close and start building, but then we decided we just couldn't not go...life was in desperate need of a beach trip. It was wonderful!! Ben and I were asleep with the kids by 9:30 both nights and had perfect weather and time on the beach together. Emma and Bryson loved the sand but were a little uneasy of the water, so that made life somewhat low maintenance. We enjoyed dinner on the beachfront at RiverCity Cafe one night. Bryson randomly said bird for the first time sitting out there watching all the birds! We headed over to Family Kingdom to take Emma on the carousel and ended up with an evening full of rides and fun! She was so brave, and it was so fun to watch her sheer joy at the experience! We all enjoyed the train and carousel, and poor Bryson wanted to do everything with her! Next year maybe! Daddy treated us to funnel cake and lemonade on our way out, too!! : ) Emma started her Summer swimming (alone with swimmies) in the pool with Daddy too, and has done great ever since!! Really was a much needed family getaway with great memories!
Went home to a whirlwind of packing, moving and building, and it hasn't slowed down since! We headed back down to Garden City for our annual week long trip the last week of June. That was wonderful too! We were at a different house this year which was different. : ) Enjoyed our time nonetheless. The kids enjoyed having Evans (my cousin's 3 month old) with us too! Bryson was much more fearless with the ocean, so we had a little more work cut out with him. It was a nice, low key week, but I was still very tired! Lots of sun, sand, and water all week!
Unfortunately, we had to make the trip without my grandparents this year. Granddaddy was diagnosed with lung cancer earlier this year, and it has really taken its toll on his body. He's been in and out of the hospital several times and has gotten much weaker. It's been very hard to watch especially since he went from plowing his own garden to barely walking on his own in a matter of months. I know it's most difficult on Dad and Grandmother--nothing like watching the most important man in your life decline in health and physical stature. I know they are worn out too, emotionally and physically. The end of life is not a pretty thing, but I am so grateful for the hope we have in Jesus, and I know I'll see my strong and happy Granddaddy once again!
We went out to the Howell's for our annual 4th of July celebration after the beach. Great fun, food and time with family! Poor Ben didn't have the best badminton partner this year, but we did well despite my handicap! : ) Emma had lots of fun playing with Matthew and Mikayla, and, as always, we enjoyed catching up and being with them!
DJ hit the big 3-0 Monday! Eli and I went to her house Friday night to celebrate and hang out with her. We had a wonderful time talking and being together! Didn't get home until 3, which wasn't so helpful in my tired state, but it was well worth it! : ) Mrs. Kimbrell isn't doing well either and is likely headed to Cleveland for heart surgery in the near future. Hopefully she'll hear very encouraging news at her appointment this afternoon.
I'm sure I'll probably get behind on posts again, especially since we'll be adding to the family in the next 2 months!! We can't wait to meet and hold our little Ava!!! I will try to post pictures later.
The kids are doing well and continue to bring us laughter, smiles and joy...and a few tears and frustration! : ) Emma is very excited about our new house and has many opinions to offer on all our decisions. I love showing her paint colors, light fixtures, etc. and asking what she thinks. She has really grown up a lot this Summer. She has worked hard to be a brave big girl as I've taken her to Summer Jam (kids' program at church)--the first thing she's been "left" to do by herself. She LOVED Bible School and constantly sings "Waves of Mercy, Waves of grace..." so much so that Bryson actually know it enough to "sing along" and do motions. I need to try to capture it on video. It is precious! She's also mostly conquered her fear of the swing--the first week we moved here, she kept begging to go swing and would force herself to have us push her higher (she used to be scared to death!). The other day when we were cooking in the kitchen together, she started telling me how she was going to get bigger so she could live by herself--how sad!! Of course, she rarely goes to sleep in her own bed these days and has developed quite the imagination and fearfulness, so I doubt that's a true longing. : ) She continues to love dress ups and is the most beautiful princess we've seen! Bryson is full speed ahead and rough and crazy! He's developing a desire to be silly and laughed at too, and he is quite funny, I must say! I am enjoying seeing him develop his own personality; he is definitely becoming a little person these days. His vocabulary continues to expand as well as his independence. He still doesn't sleep for any long stretch of time at night, but he has actually gone to bed with Emma several times, and last night, he awoke and walked to our bed without any tears or fears-a MAJOR miracle and first!! That is the first time since he was born that he has woken at night and not screamed and cried. Maybe we'll get there before Ava arrives!! He is still Momma's boy and hates to be taken to the nursery at church. I'm hoping he'll be happier when we move him to the toddler room in a month. He continues to love balls, being outside and playing with Emma. He wants so badly to do everything she does, and they have a great time playing together. She truly is a wonderful big sister and takes such good care of Bryson and tries to teach him how to do everything. I love seeing them love each other and play together, and I hope they will always love being together!
The house is coming along. Ben and his dad put in a lot of time and sweat getting the foundation ready. Ben never ceases to amaze me with his vision, ideas and capabilities! I don't ever want to build or move again, but hopefully we'll be able to do some projects around the property so he can keep showing off his skills! ; ) The first floor is framed, and they are working on the porches today. Unfortunately, we have some beams that aren't in and will hold up the framing a few days. Ben's telling me this roof system is going to be slow and involved. We are making progress with decisions. I am trying to stay ahead so we can do some price comparisons and so I can have as much done as possible before Ava comes.
I think I am 32 weeks now. I just can't keep up this time! All I know is that it is coming so fast! Everything is on track and appears normal. I'm down to 2 week check ups now. Trying hard not to let the weight go--it's so hard to eat well when you're tired and busy, but I know I don't want more to lose than necessary! I am worn out these days; the 3rd trimester hasn't brought so much fatigue in the past, but it's kicking me this time! Between Bryson, discomfort and frequent potty visits, I'm not getting a whole lot of sleep at night either though. I could not ask for more out of life though. I am way more blessed than I should be, and I am grateful for all the joys and "trials".
Now, back to the prior 3 months...in May, the 4 of us packed up and headed to Surfside for a week-end. Weren't planning to because of how busy things were with trying to move, close and start building, but then we decided we just couldn't not go...life was in desperate need of a beach trip. It was wonderful!! Ben and I were asleep with the kids by 9:30 both nights and had perfect weather and time on the beach together. Emma and Bryson loved the sand but were a little uneasy of the water, so that made life somewhat low maintenance. We enjoyed dinner on the beachfront at RiverCity Cafe one night. Bryson randomly said bird for the first time sitting out there watching all the birds! We headed over to Family Kingdom to take Emma on the carousel and ended up with an evening full of rides and fun! She was so brave, and it was so fun to watch her sheer joy at the experience! We all enjoyed the train and carousel, and poor Bryson wanted to do everything with her! Next year maybe! Daddy treated us to funnel cake and lemonade on our way out, too!! : ) Emma started her Summer swimming (alone with swimmies) in the pool with Daddy too, and has done great ever since!! Really was a much needed family getaway with great memories!
Went home to a whirlwind of packing, moving and building, and it hasn't slowed down since! We headed back down to Garden City for our annual week long trip the last week of June. That was wonderful too! We were at a different house this year which was different. : ) Enjoyed our time nonetheless. The kids enjoyed having Evans (my cousin's 3 month old) with us too! Bryson was much more fearless with the ocean, so we had a little more work cut out with him. It was a nice, low key week, but I was still very tired! Lots of sun, sand, and water all week!
Unfortunately, we had to make the trip without my grandparents this year. Granddaddy was diagnosed with lung cancer earlier this year, and it has really taken its toll on his body. He's been in and out of the hospital several times and has gotten much weaker. It's been very hard to watch especially since he went from plowing his own garden to barely walking on his own in a matter of months. I know it's most difficult on Dad and Grandmother--nothing like watching the most important man in your life decline in health and physical stature. I know they are worn out too, emotionally and physically. The end of life is not a pretty thing, but I am so grateful for the hope we have in Jesus, and I know I'll see my strong and happy Granddaddy once again!
We went out to the Howell's for our annual 4th of July celebration after the beach. Great fun, food and time with family! Poor Ben didn't have the best badminton partner this year, but we did well despite my handicap! : ) Emma had lots of fun playing with Matthew and Mikayla, and, as always, we enjoyed catching up and being with them!
DJ hit the big 3-0 Monday! Eli and I went to her house Friday night to celebrate and hang out with her. We had a wonderful time talking and being together! Didn't get home until 3, which wasn't so helpful in my tired state, but it was well worth it! : ) Mrs. Kimbrell isn't doing well either and is likely headed to Cleveland for heart surgery in the near future. Hopefully she'll hear very encouraging news at her appointment this afternoon.
I'm sure I'll probably get behind on posts again, especially since we'll be adding to the family in the next 2 months!! We can't wait to meet and hold our little Ava!!! I will try to post pictures later.
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